All up in my Grill

Vicky is dead to me

Im so tired of being lonely

Emo Song that expresses how I feel — Landon Pigg — Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop

I think that possibly

Maybe I’m falling for you

Yes

There’s a chance that I’ve fallen quite hard over you

I’ve seen the paths that your eyes wander down

I want to come too I think that possibly

Maybe I’m falling for you

No one understands me quite like you do

Through all of the shadowy corners of me

I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop I love so much

All of the while I never knew I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop I love so much

All of the while I never knew I think that possibly

Maybe I’m falling for you

Yes

There’s a chance that I’ve fallen quite hard over you

I’ve seen the waters that make your eyes shine

Now I’m shining too

Because Oh Because

I’ve fallen quite hard over you

If I didn’t know you I’d rather not know

If I couldn’t have you I’d rather be alone

I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop I love so much

All of the while I never knew I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop I love so much

All of the while I never knew

All of the while

All of the while it was you

You

You

You

I have lame coworkers.

Stop…shower time! (Like hammer time)

I want to write something, but the thoughts aren’t as clear as they were when I was in the shower.  I should make a waterproof laptop that I can take into the shower. The ideas seem to flow freely in there.

One thing I pondered, in the shower, duh, was writing a book about my dad’s youth.  It wouldn’t be a biography but a coming of age novel.  Of course, the lead character has a baby at 19. How else does one really come of age?  Speaking of coming of age, in August I’ll be as old as my brother was when he got married.  I’m way behind in the game.  Come callin’, ladies. We’ve gotta work fast.  Perhaps I’m the smartest male in my immediate family.  Fuck it, whole family. I’m a genius.

Speaking of ego stroking, my diet is going well.  Maybe not as well as I thought since I have a headache right now.  After not seeing my coworkers for like 3+ weeks, they felt my face was skinnier. Thanks ladies (shoutout!).

I’ve thought a lot about my impending starting of school soon.  And how I want to drop spanish. And confront my advisor/teacher about how I really don’t like her/her attitude.  I feel like at any moment if she said something to piss me off that I would unleash a torrent of mal-speech.  It’s cool though.

I also came to a realization, in the shower, for why I have no idea what I want to do in life.  It’s as simple as this.  If you know what you want, maybe stop reading now.  My thought is, do you know where you’ll be in 10 years? 20? No. Sure as hell, no you don’t.  Unless you plan on dying, in which case, yeah, you might know.  Then I think, well, when do I know where I’ll be?  5 years? 2 years? 1 year? 6 months? 1 month? A week from now? No idea.  I don’t know what I want/will to do tomorrow.  How the hell should I know where I’ll be in the future.  I guess what it is, is that I get to steer where I want to be.  I honestly don’t think I want to be a journalist anymore.  I came to this realization after watching Boston Legal.  While there is “news,” that’s not what the industry is anymore.  Sure I can find the next Deepthroat, but who gives a shit.  The media is filled with crap nobody really cares about.  Infotainment is the reality of what we are/what we will continue to be.  Hard news isn’t going to break that.  There isn’t money in it.  Which is why there is no money in being a journalist.  Can I be Tom Brokaw? Yes.  Well, most likely no, but I have to think that at least.  Anyways, I think I’ll do some laundry and finally clean out that spare room.  But then again, let’s be realistic, I’m not doing either of those 2 things.  I need a mammy.

I watched How I Met Your Mother tonight. That show is hilarious and relevant.  The last 2 times I’ve watched it, I’ve been able to directly relate to it. Let me explain the plot.  One of the characters, Barney, is in love with his friend Robin.  Robin is the new roommate of Ted, her ex-boyfriend and friend.  Robin and Ted are fighting all the time over taking out the trash, drinking milk, etc etc, worse than when they were dating.  So, they came to the conclusion that they should have sex to avoid the harsh roommate vibe.  It was an easy connection, right? Real casual…anyways, their friends found out and warned them that they should stop because someone was going to get hurt.  So they do, but not really (sitcom style).  Then one day Barney goes to tell how he feels about Robin.  He enters the apt and says “TED! I love…(enters Robin)…tacos!” Awkward scene, awkward awkward.  Robin tells Barney that he’d left to go to the bar and that they’ve stop the sex.  Robin then smashes Barney’s heart by talking about how it never works between friends etc etc. Fuck that.

Now I remember what I was thinking about in the shower, this show/plot.  From my dating experience, all the people I’ve dated, I’ve known before.  It wasn’t like a meet up at a bar, “hey baby, can I get your number?”  I guess it just made the most sense to date those around you.  That’s the way it’s been when you had a playground crush to a high school sweet heart.  Why would it be any different now?  I don’t see any sense in random dating.  Maybe that’s just me.  I guess really there are two distinct ways to date: people you know and people you take a chance on knowing.  Maybe trying to date people you know is a bit awkward if it goes bad, but people go there own ways.  I would rather date someone knowing that I risk losing them as a friend if it means I know if their my best friend, the one I want to be with forever, etc.  Obviously that seems drastic, but it’s a point.  idk.  I’m just at a point where I either want to date someone or stop putting so much time into a friendship if it gets me no where.  Nobody wants to be seen as a nice guy.  Especially when nice guy gets to meet her boyfriend.  I feel like that’s not too far away.

I guess I’ll just idly standby and watch it happen, what else am I supposed to do?  Seriously, that’s a question.  Let me know.  Cause I have no fuggin’ idea.

So bad but so cheap

Seriously, wtf. As soon as I decide to go on a fiscal/health diet consisting of not buying fast food they all start getting really cheap deals. Sonic with a dollar menu?! SONIC?! That place has gotten so expensive recently.  Jack in the Box offering three things for $1.99?  Yikes. So affordable.  But, so bad for you.  I think the increase in food prices, on all food, has been ridiculous.   Look at Arby’s 5 for $5 deal from like 5, 6 years ago.  Now it’s 5 for $7.  Oh well.  I ran/walk/ellipticalled for 4+ miles today.  Suck it, fast food/being fat.

Life says fuck. You say how high.

I got invited to my first wedding of someone I know. In fact, I know both of the people. The wedding is tomorrow. And I, I am not going.  People who I went to high school with, both of whom are great people, fell in love, in high school, and still love each other.  That’s great.  But personally, I can’t accept it.  I can’t accept that someone my age has found love.  Maybe it just doesn’t seem possible to me. And yes, perhaps I am jealous of them.  But this guy dated someone that I dated, and that girl, is too engaged.  I’m two “boyfriends” removed from being engaged.  Could that have been me? Maybe.  But, probably not.  I want to be in love. I really do.  I’m a romantic in all senses of the word.  But I can’t get myself into a relationship, let alone a marriage. Maybe that’s my overall comment in this entry.  For instance: tonight I waited around for a phone call that never came.  So I made other plans.  The phone still never rang.  Yet I thought about her all night long.  Then, the person who did come over, was too distracted to even care.  Maybe I realized what I thought was a backup plan, isn’t even that.  I guess my biggest fear is being alone.  And well, here I am. Alone.  Also, I don’t have a date to the wedding.  And it would have been awkward to go alone.  

“How long can you beat a dead horse for?”

“Until you find the next dead horse.”

I don’t know if that advice is really that good.  Then again, it did come after drunken NYE. But that’s a whole ‘nother story.